Oops!

Waiting for people is probably the most difficult thing a person can do. Persistence is everything that gets us there. The discipline of genuine patience is soul crushing and soul defining. They say it’s a judge of character, but really, it’s a judge of ethics.

Yes, one can enact patience by watching a bird slowly die after flying into a fucking window, but it begs the question of putting things out of their misery. At what point do you choose between becoming the hero or the villain?

By snapping its neck are you the hero? Or are you the grim reaper? Neither. You’re judgement. Are you the punishment? Are you law? You have to ask where you draw the line between mercy and misery.

Crime and Punishment (1866) Fyodor Dostoevsky

Perhaps his film was operating out of Dostoevsky’s playbook.

You see, I don’t write to execute the innocent. I do however write to bring the non-innocent into the light and let the crime and punishment of our judicial system do the rest. I could never bring myself to pull the lever, yet there are many people that take enjoyment in that. I could never take a life. I believe a system should be set up to make people accountable for their actions.

I am not judgement, yet I allowed myself to be the face of judgement. I allowed other people to see me that way if they wished so.

Innocent (2013-2015) Illus. by Shin-Ichi Sakamoto

You get to a point. An apex where it stops being okay. Where it stops being the thing that makes you laugh. Where you have to sit back and silently document things. You can no longer be innocent if you listen to how people talk. You can no longer be innocent.

Perhaps innocence derives from listening before other people are listening. Perhaps it comes from a place that is no longer innocence but judgment for the innocence.

Once it stops being okay to listen to; you have to document it. You have to keep people in check.

People will watch you cry. People will hear you cry and not do a single thing about it. They will hear it. They will hear you again and again. They will not do anything about it. They will not ask how you feel.

I suppose at this point this website returns to being my personal journal again. Aside from any reference from any art. My life has become art and that is the saddest part about it. People have lost what it means to see the fireworks and watch the aquarium move about.

There are still people watching, yet it is not the same anymore. The fireworks end, and the aquarium’s animals die. It’s sad. I suppose now is the time to save our planet.

I miss her. I wish she watched It with me. I wish she watched it all with me. From start to beginning.

So once again, the life comes back to me. The one of deceit and lies. The pain of other people seem to seep through me. I sit back as the smell of vomit and people’s bowels fill the air. The smell within the couches is unbearable and I sit listening to people complain about the things going wrong with their respective industries. A cough, a ramble, a terrible cocktail that someone buys for you. It’s all just a waste of time.

The fighter that’s too drunk, roleplaying as a celebrity that has never seen a camera. His clothing and tattoos of a bygone era. The bartenders, despite it all, kind and gracious. Tired of their lives tending to useless and bigoted men. Perhaps I am no different, but at least I sit and watch. I sip my given drink, and listen to the douchebag strongarm another vulnerable soul.

Yours truly,

Us.

https://kinggizzard.bandcamp.com/